Right Heart, Right Eyes

by Becky on January 25, 2013 · 6 comments

in Parenting

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Dear Mom,

Sometimes, when I’m wandering through my flickr account, a photo will stop me, and I’ll think of you. More specifically, I’ll think, What if you could have seen the moment captured by the camera–with your own eyes? What if?

You had lovely eyes, hazel, just like my Goose Boy. I think they served you especially well, and I say that mostly because you had that rare gift: seeing the redeeming qualities in people. You’ve been gone now these fourteen years, and in all that time, I don’t know that I’ve met more than a handful of people who possess that gift. The longer I’m around, the more convinced I am that having the right set of eyes is the work of a lifetime. It’s also a function of having the right kind of heart.   Heart.  Eyes.  If one is right, the other will be, too.

And your heart was just so unfailingly, inspiringly in the right place. Moreover, your grandchildren stole it early on. I look at my girls sometimes and wonder what they would look like to you. When you left us, Miss Lavender was three. And Miss Zinnia, not yet born. But you wanted to see her face. That’s what you said–that you were going to soak up as much chemo as they would allow, didn’t matter how much it poisoned you (I heard this from Nan; you would never have divulged this to me).  And you were going to do it so that you might be blessed–just once, even–to see the face of my baby before the cancer finally got you.

You didn’t get to see that face, did you? Miss Zinnia came smiling into the world on your birthday, just a month after you left it. But I get to see her face. Everyday. And Miss Lavender’s, too, another girl who shares your birthday. The three of you: the birthday club. August 28th.

Listen, I’ll make you a deal. You help me out from time to time: help me tune my heart up when I get cynical and it starts to sputter. And I’ll gaze at your granddaughters for you, all you want.

How delighted you’d be with your birthday girls, if you could see them.

Or maybe you do?

Missing you,

Becky

Tami Holmes January 26, 2013 at 9:35 am

So beautiful and eloquent! I can hear your lovely voice in each word my dear friend :) And…I know she see’s them and has been rejoicing as she has watched them become the beauties they are in every way. A tribute to their own amazing mother! xo

Becky January 26, 2013 at 9:43 am

Ah, but how lucky they are, too, to have Miss Tami in their lives. We are all indeed blessed. B.

Karen January 28, 2013 at 9:54 pm

This post was so beautiful, Becky. I read it and feel so blessed to still have my mom here. Thank heavens we know what we know, right?

take care!

Becky January 29, 2013 at 6:22 am

Karen, I know you hold your mom close. You are indeed blessed to have her present in your life. Besos.

Jen February 4, 2013 at 6:20 pm

Love, Love, Love….I have always held your mom close to my heart…and I feel her working through you every day….I am soo blessed that your mom had YOU. Love you Beck

Becky February 5, 2013 at 12:55 am

Yep. She was something special. Love you back!

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